This is the Story of a Girl...

i havent written in a while because i havent had much to say. nothing has really caught my attention enough for me to write about. but just this week, something inspired me. maybe its my anger talking; no... its not anger, i dont know what to call it just yet. ill figure it out, hopefully by the time i am done writing.

here goes...

im not a bitter person. im not a jealous person. im not a very spiritual person. but i do get angery, hurt, and i  do believe in a higher power.

im not quite sure how karma works, or if in deed it does. because i believe karma should have bitten me, and it would have bitten hard by now. or maybe it will bite later on in my life. but it seems that karma has gotten a person i used to believe i was in love with. i dont want to say i am happy about this, but i am hoping that this person finally realizes what they are doing and that they learn from all of this.

if you are reading this and you dont know me, you might be thinking that i am a cold hearted person or that i am a bitter person. but i can assure you, i am not. here is a little background story about this whole situation...

a few years ago i thought i had fallen in love. i honestly thought (like a lot of teenage girls do) that this person was the one. (cheesy. right?) well, turns out that this person was shady and had many more girls on the side. things ended. different boyfriends, different girlfriends. we were now different people.  i had forgiven the situation because true love will always be able to fix things (or at least i thought it was true). we stopped talking for a while, and did so for a while. but somehow we always seemed to go back to one another, not always in the honest way. when it was finally an honest relationship, things were great. but our pasts werent going to let it continue be great. after a few months, things finally ended. i havent spoken to that person in months.

ive always known the type of person he was, i just never wanted to admit it. afraid that if i did, i would be the fool. but i was still a fool for letting this continue for 6 years. all the lies that were told. all the people that i hurt. everything seemed worth it because i was selfish, only my happiness mattered. i know it shouldnt have continued but i felt as if i couldnt stop.

i truly say that i am sorry for my actions, and all the hurt they caused people.

i am now im a better place, a much happier place, with my life. i have finally let go of the negativity. i am still selfish, but not in a way that will hurt others or myself. i dont know what the future holds for me, but i am willing to find out. it doesnt scare me like it used to.

11 Weeks Have Felt Like an Eternity...

but next week is finals week and i'll be done with my first quarter at Ai! i get a few weeks of summer vacation before summer quarter begins. i need to take advantage! i cant wait!

Where Has The Time Gone?

sometimes it feels like only yesterday we were breaking up. and now we are making up and pretending it hasnt happened. i am a bit to good and hiding and pushing away my feelings, as hard as i might try to find flaws in people...i dont know why yours are always forgiven. all that we have been through and have put each other through is a lot different from the others. im just taking things day by day; riding this roller coaster out. i dont know where things might go, and i dont know how i truly feel about that.

Say Something

or better yet, stop saying something. 

i dont understand why people put their business out there for the world to see, and then they act surprised when people ask or put in their two cents about the situation. attention dumb ass: by putting your  situation as your status updates you are letting people into your problems. regardless if you dont use names it is pretty obvious. so stop 'smh' and calling out people on status'.

thanks.

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow

"is this a lasting treasure? or just a moments pleasure?"

are all these feelings coming out of the woodwork because things arent going great for you? i dont doubt the feelings you have for me, and i cant hide the feelings i have for you. i just dont know if this is great timing. or even if it should even happen. i dont want to mess up the great thing you have going on; but regardless of what does end up happening, i know our friendship will remain the same. i value your friendship more than you can even begin to imagine.

If I Had No More Time...

so many different thoughts racing through my head. maybe its the three cups of coffee in my system, the lack of sleep, or maybe the warm feelings i have. i dont know what to think or feel. happy? guilty? but im mosdef excited. hahah.

You Be Illin'

answer me this, why do people chose to sugarcoat or "baby" their friends? wouldnt you want your friend to be honest and upfront with you? i dont understand people who baby their friends. if you were my friend i would want you to tell me when i was wrong, acting like a jerk, or when i am mean. i wouldnt think anything of it, if its coming from a friend. thats what friends are supposed to do, right? or do i have the wrong concept of being a friend?